Here we go…

There can be no keener revelation of a society’s soul than the way in which it treats its children – Nelson Mandela

…I’m taking a huge leap here but hope to bring awareness and understanding with grace and eloquence through words.  Above all, I hope to find time for this…

So where to start?  I suppose I will jump right in.  I’m a Mom to two beautiful boys.  Brayden is 7 and Jacksen is 2.  They are my whole world.  I am blessed to be a stay at home Mom.  We are your run of the mill “boy family”…it is loud, messy and complicated.

Did I mention the Autism?  Brayden has Autism.  Everyone always asks “What level?” or “Where is he on the spectrum?”…How does one answer that?  He is sweet and naive and always knows exactly what he wants how he wants it and when he wants it.  There is no gray area in our world…black and white it is…with no forgiveness or patience woven in.

I suppose he is what you would refer to as “high functioning” although there are a bazillion definitions of that alone.  He speaks and communicates fairly well when he wants something but does not have the attention span for a conversation…especially if you aren’t moving on his most recent request.  He loves TV, the iPad and the iPhone…you will very rarely find it off in our house and see him being okay with that.  When it is on, he is specific-he will give you a show name and the title of an episode-thank goodness for Netflix and DVR!

He is in constant motion – running, jumping, spinning, flapping his arms or bouncing on a ball.  It is hard to get him to sit down in one spot for more than a few seconds.  Although he has some sensory issues it seems at times the louder and more distracting the better…however if his little brother starts crying that will be the straw that breaks the camels back!  Because what is better than one kid crying…two!

So then there is Jacksen.  Jacksen is 2 1/2 and is developing typically.  He is into everything and always covered in dirt and carrying his cars and trucks around.  He loves his older brother and likes to tickle and wrestle as if he were in wrestle mania.  He is a the crazy younger brother with the curly hair and bumps and bruises along his shins as he tries to keep up with his brother.  He is the referee and tattle tale and likes to repeat the rules over and over to Brayden as he breaks them…he doesn’t know any different.  Brayden is just his older, funny, infuriating big brother and I wish I could freeze it at that…at what point is he going to ask why he goes to a different school or why Brayden can’t sit still or why he eats peanut butter and jelly for every meal?

So that’s where we are…I’m torn between the innocence and the reality of how to talk to Brayden about why he is a little different.  Thing is…I am not sure he knows.  He is pretty perceptive of others feelings and will label them when they seem to bother him or are in his “way”.  I don’t know if he sees people look at him differently or understands that they don’t know how to interact with him.

I can “google it”, talk to doctors and therapists but at the end of the day I have to find a way to have a conversation with a child that doesn’t do conversations.  I have to find a way unique to his abilities to help him understand…and I don’t want help.  I don’t want strangers telling me how to have one of the most difficult conversations of my life.  I want it to be routine and “normal” everyday conversation.  I don’t want the heaviness and magnitude of what the future may be to make him feel the permanence.

And then there is the conversation with his younger brother-At only 2 1/2 he is already his brothers keeper and in many ways developmentally ahead.  He already seems to sense Brayden is a little different.  He doesn’t play the same way or look him in the eye or respond to Jacksen’s questions without a prompt.  It’s the sweetest to see them tickle, laugh and wrestle…his brother is a “super hero” overcoming so many obstacles to live in “our world” but his little brother will wear the cape as well.  This Autism thing…its a complicated twisty, winding path with glimpses of sunlight and beauty around every turn…but there is no roadmap and no rules…